United in Christ: How to Handle Disagreements in the Church Without Losing Unity
Disagreements happen in every church. The question is not whether they will come, but how we handle them when they do. Drawing from Romans 14 and the story of the eastern tribes in Joshua 22, there is a timeless challenge for followers of Jesus: know the difference between what truly matters and what is simply a matter of opinion.
What Does the Bible Say About Disagreements Among Believers?
Paul writes to the church in Rome with a direct word about how to treat one another when opinions differ. In Romans 14:1-6, he says:
“Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to eat anything, but another, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The one who eats everything must not treat with contempt the one who does not, and the one who does not eat everything must not judge the one who does, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall, and they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” Romans 14:1-4 New International Version (NIV)
Paul is addressing two real groups in Rome. Jewish Christians were insisting that Gentile Christians follow their traditions around food, holy days, and worship practices. The Gentile Christians, in turn, were holding those same Jewish believers in contempt. Both groups were wrong in how they were treating each other, and the result was division.
Is It Possible for Sincere Believers to See Things Differently?
Yes. And that is an important question to sit with honestly. Too often, when someone sees something differently than we do, our first assumption is that they have walked away from their faith or that something is wrong with them spiritually. But Paul makes clear that sincere, God-fearing people can land in different places on certain matters.
The problem is not the disagreement itself. The problem is when disagreement leads to division. When one group is judging and the other is despising, unity around Christ is broken, and that is what Paul is calling out.
A Lesson from Joshua 22: Ask Before You Assume
In Joshua 22, the eastern tribes (Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh) had faithfully fought alongside the rest of Israel. When Joshua released them to return home across the Jordan, they built a large altar near the river.
When the rest of Israel saw it, they immediately assumed the worst. They gathered together, ready to go to war. Before anyone asked a single question, swords were being drawn.
Thankfully, someone suggested they send a delegation first. When they crossed the Jordan and confronted the eastern tribes, the answer was not what they expected. The altar was not built for idol worship. It was built as a witness, a visible reminder that God is Lord over all the tribes, on both sides of the river. They wanted future generations to know they were still part of God’s family.
The chapter ends with the altar being named “A Witness Between Us That the Lord Is God.” (Joshua 22:34 NIV)
What would have happened if they had never asked? An entire group of faithful people would have been destroyed based on a wrong assumption.
How Do We Handle Disagreements in the Church Today?
We may not march to war, but we have our own versions of it. We go to social media. We find the friend who will agree with us so we can vent. We talk in hallways. We let assumptions harden into division without ever having an honest conversation.
Churches of Christ have a long history of splitting over issues that, when named out loud, most people would recognize as secondary matters. Worship styles, building features, dress codes, and more have all been reasons for division. And while some of those issues may feel significant, Paul’s point is that when opinions become the center of our unity rather than Christ, we have already lost something essential.
What Are the “Hills to Die On” Versus Matters of Opinion?
This is where wisdom is required. Not everything is a disputable matter. There are things that are central and non-negotiable:
- Jesus is Lord.
- He was crucified, buried, and rose on the third day.
- We worship and serve Him alone.
These are not up for debate. But many of the things that have historically divided churches fall outside of that core. Paul is not forbidding discernment. He is forbidding the habit of letting personal opinions become the measuring stick by which we judge other believers.
What Unifies the Body of Christ?
Think about a group of people climbing a mountain together in 40 to 50 mile per hour winds, in freezing temperatures, with the wind beating against them the whole way. There are differences in age, background, and ability. But what makes it possible is that everyone is going the same direction. The shared destination creates a unity that the differences cannot break.
That is a picture of what the church can be. When followers of Jesus are genuinely pursuing Him together, especially through hard seasons, the things that once seemed like massive dividing lines start to look much smaller. Difficulty and shared pursuit have a way of binding people together like nothing else can.
What Does the World See When It Looks at the Church?
People outside the church are watching. And too often, what they see is bickering, division, and judgment. That picture pushes people away rather than drawing them toward Christ.
But when the world sees a community of people who are genuinely different from one another and yet unified around Jesus, that is something they cannot easily dismiss. It is something the world does not naturally produce on its own. That kind of unity is a witness.
Two Practical Things to Hold Onto
When navigating disagreements, two things matter most:
- Hold grace and truth together. Neither one alone is enough. Truth without grace becomes harsh judgment. Grace without truth loses its anchor. Both are needed.
- Practice what James teaches. James 1:19 says: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19 New International Version (NIV). Our culture has flipped this completely. We are slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to become angry. Reversing that pattern changes everything about how we handle disagreement.
Where Is Your Hope Actually Placed?
It is easy to sing “In Christ Alone” and mean it in the moment. But if we are honest, many of us quietly place our hope in our own knowledge, our own works, and our own understanding. We trust what we know more than we trust Him.
Paul writes in Philippians 4:7: “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 New International Version (NIV)
The promise is not that we guard our own hearts by holding tightly to what we know. The promise is that when we surrender to Him, He guards our hearts. That kind of peace helps us discern what truly matters and what does not.
We are not united by uniformity of thought or opinion. We are united by Christ. He is the center. Everything else finds its proper place around Him.
Life Application
This week, identify one relationship in your life, whether inside or outside the church, where a disagreement or assumption has created distance. Before drawing any conclusions, choose to do what the Israelites almost failed to do: go ask. Have the conversation. Listen more than you speak. Approach it with grace and a genuine desire to understand rather than to be understood.
Ask yourself these questions as you reflect:
- Am I holding any opinions so tightly that they have become more central to my identity than Christ Himself?
- Is there someone I have judged or held in contempt without ever truly understanding where they are coming from?
- When people outside the church look at how I engage with other believers, do they see something worth being drawn to?
- Am I placing my hope in my own wisdom and works, or am I genuinely surrendering to Christ and trusting Him to guard my heart?
Unity in the body of Christ is not the absence of differences. It is the choice to center everything on Jesus and trust that He is big enough to hold us all together.